A Mother and a Wife

So this is what can happen sometimes as a stay at home mom, we can begin to choose some pretty odd outfits in the craziness of life. I asked Tommy to take a photo of me wearing what was supposed to be an exercise outfit but what ended up being my attire for the day! I thought I would post it, to remind myself and all those ladies out there that although we don't need to look great everyday, it is important to try to look beautiful for your husbands. I remember when I started dating Tommy and when I knew I would see him I got all prepared. I would fix my hair and spend extra time on my makeup and choose just the right outfit. When I had Kara and now Noah, it became a little bit harder to spend that time. When you have spit up on your shoulder and your morning is so busy your lucky if you even have had time to brush your teeth, sometimes doing something extra like your makeup is the last thing on your mind.

So my challenge is this:

Try to think about some extra things you can do to look like a wife and not always a mother. Sometimes when I think about myself I feel like my children define me. I am a mother. That is primarily what I do, and at times it is hard to remember I am also first a wife, and should try to look like one every once in a while. Of course we should not be defined by anything other than our relationship with Christ, but you know what I mean.

Just today as I was riding in the car with Tommy, with Kara and Noah in the back, I started to think. I was looking over at Tommy, and like so many times lately, I was struck with how much I love my dear husband. I was doing my makeup in the mirror and I was wondering what he was thinking, I wondered if he looked at me as his children's mother or as his wife. Of course he looks at me as both, but if I constantly think and act like a mother in front of him, and never do things to show him I still desire for him to see me as his adoring wife, how can I expect him to see me as a wife also. I think sometimes in marriage we get so tied up in kids and all that they require, that we take the focus off of our relationship with our husbands and we accidentally fall into the pattern of children first and husband second. When we do this not only does our marriage suffer, but in the long run we won't be giving our children the best we can. Children long to see there parents in love, and will feel more secure if they know there parent's relationship is secure and healthy.

And so...lets start spicing up our marriages by trying just a little harder to look like we did when we first met our husbands. Show them that you care enough about yourself and them, that you are willing to put a little work into your appearance. Its ok to have some days where you wear pink leggings, and a bright green shirt with exercise shoes that are way past needing to be replaced, but balance that with days where your husband will look at you and say," Wow! What a beautiful and thoughtful woman I married." I hope my husband can still look at me and say that, and I pray as I try even harder he can say it even more often.

The Joy of the Home

When someone looks at this picture what might they think? Maybe they are thinking this lady looks like she might be a good cook, or maybe a bad one since she looks so confused. Maybe they are thinking, "Good for her, at home in the kitchen where she should be!" Or maybe their thoughts are more along the lines of, "What a waste of time! Get out in the real world and have a career!"

Now I realize this is just a picture and it is obviously something someone took for an advertisement or something to that effect, but I wonder how it makes different women feel. It used to be that staying at home to raise our children, cooking, cleaning, and being our husband's helper were all good things and it was just what a woman did. Then the feminism movement kicked in and suddenly you were dull and uneducated if you stayed at home to tend to your family. And now although we still tend to veer towards the side of feminism, there is a strong movement of women who are making the choice to be homemakers.

At first when you think about what a homemaker is, you might feel like it is another form of being a maid or some lower level job. Or perhaps you find that it is an honorable thing but feel you would be missing out if you did not have a career. Certainly changing poopy diapers and dealing with screaming toddlers is not something for an educated women to be doing! This is what we have been taught by the world's leading women who say that being a career women is going to fulfill us and climbing the corporate ladder is what will give us our place in this world.

On the other hand, the Bible teaches that the mindset of these feminist we come across is not only wrong but actually goes against what God has in mind for wives and mothers. The opposite is true when you read the Word and realize that staying at home is not subjecting yourself to slavery but instead is placing yourself in a position of godly servant hood.

Titus 2:3-5 says:

"Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled."

What does this passage say the older women are to teach the younger?

Number one is to love their husbands and their children. When we look at what the love if Christ is, we can understand that true love in its purest form is selfless and not seeking the good of ourselves but unconditionally looking to better the lives of the precious husband and sweet children God has so graciously entrusted us with.

Secondly, this verse says that we are to be self-controlled and pure. Our character should be one of discipline and a heart that is pure. That means to hold our tongues and to watch the things we wear and to be an example to other women and to our daughters. We also need to be disciplined with how we take care of our bodies that God has given to us and to live a life that is characterized by saying no to our flesh and saying yes to God's commands.

Thirdly, it says we should be workers of the home, this means that our PRIORITY must be our homes. I know that there are situations where women must work outside the home for one reason or the other, but if you are working full time because you just want to or are unsatisfied being a homemaker, you must ask yourself if your husband and kids are your priority. Are you able to have the emotional, physical, and spiritual stamina to invest in your kids and your husband when you are with them. Are you able to shepard them and teach them in the ways of the Lord and monitor what they are learning? Each woman must go before the Lord and ask what He wants them to do and seek Him for how they should care for their households. I am certainly not saying that to be a good and effective mother you MUST stay at home, I know many godly women who have worked outside the home, but I am just saying that we must examine our priorities and put them in line with God's desires for us and our families. I also think it can be a great thing to be creative while at home and try to lift some of the burden off of our husbands by earning a little income. For example, when we first moved to Kentucky, I was able to watch two children in my home while Tommy looked for a job. This really helped Tommy to be able to feel like he had a little more time to find something that would actually meet our needs, and I was able to help out! The goal is for our children, husbands and homes to come first, we must ask the Lord to show us how we can best do this.

Fourth, this verse calls us to be kind. This can be manifested in everything we do, and how we treat everyone, but think specifically about how you can be a kind wife and mother. Sometimes I struggle with having a sweet spirit, I think and act in a way that is far from exuding kindness. It is easy to become so overwhelmed with all of our responsibilities that we become bitter and rude women who are difficult to be around. I know sometimes for me I have no problem being kind to friends and other family, but I can't seem to treat my husband with respect. A godly wife and mother will be kind to her family.

Last on the list of traits we should be aspiring to learn, is the command to submit to our husbands. Just the very word "submit" can make you cringe when you hear it, especially for women who are opinionated and independent. I am one such woman, and I know that submitting to my husband is very hard for me at times. So what does it mean to submit? Feminism teaches us that submitting is making yourself lower than your husband, and therefore allowing him to dominate and control you, giving him all the power, and leaving you weak and helpless. This is a vicous lie that takes what God has set up as an equal partnership with different roles, into something that resembles the slave and master relationship. If we actually understand submissiveness, and really learn to apply it to our marriages, we will see a better and more balanced marriage. A godly husband will not dominate a submissive wife, but instead he will lead her and guide her. Of course our husbands are imperfect and will sometimes lead us in a wrong direction, but that is between him and the Lord, our responsibility is to follow our husbands unless what they are doing is in contrary to the Bible. When we respectfully submit to our husbands leadership we are fulfilling our roles as godly wives and making it easier for them to do the role that God has commissioned them. Just as we desire to be loved and understood, our husbands desire to be respected and trusted. However, this is no easy task, and we can only do it with prayerful diligence and daily reading of God's Word.

This passage is extremely convicting to say the least, and will take a lifetime to become good at, but if we desire to be effective wives and mothers it should be something we aspire to do. I am so blessed to be able to stay at home and be a full time mom and wife, and I thank God He has blessed me so richly. There has been many times when we have not been sure how we would pay the bills or get by financially but God has provided in some pretty neat ways. Praise God for His miraculous works and His wisdom to help us in this large task! What a precious and joyous thing it is to be able to nurture those in our homes!