Since I have had Noah I have decided to do things a little differently than when Kara was a newborn. With Kara I was so new at everything and I didn't know how much a routine could serve our family as a way of making life a little less complicated.
I have always been against schedules and the kind of people who teach that you have to have an exact time to everything. So it took me a while to accept the idea of a routine, something that serves you as opposed to a schedule that is very restricting and stressful.
We all do much better if we have a little structure to our day, and I think a newborn is the same way. A newborn spends nine months in your tummy, and they come out with only those around them to teach them how to be. Needless to say, it is very important to help your baby along in the process of gaining independence.
Kara did not sleep through the night until she was 1 year old. She only finally started doing this because she weaned herself off of breastfeeding and once she did that she did not need to nurse to put herself to sleep. I made the mistake of nursing her to sleep for all her naps and each night at bedtime, so she was unable to fall asleep any other way. I tried to reverse this once I realized but by then she was to far gone. So when I got pregnant with Noah I was ready to do something different.
I am a huge believer in reading and educating ourselves as parents. I think that God has definitely given women intuition into how to care for children, but I do think there is wisdom in knowing what other people have done that has worked. For the most part I think it is best to stick with books that are written by godly people who glean their knowledge from the Bible, but on subjects of a more practical nature like routines or medical health it is sometimes helpful to read books from all kinds of people.
The Baby Whisperer is the most recent parenting book I have read, and I found it to be very helpful in many ways. I would not recommend the portion about toddler discipline since it has no biblical foundation and seems to be most unhelpful :)
I have found that the portion on a routine and feeding schedule has been very encouraging and has helped me to feel a little more balanced and a lot less stressed than I was when Kara was a newborn.
The basic premise is that you feed your baby every 2 1/2 to 3 hours and you make sure they have a little wake time after each feeding. After they have activity time you put them down for a nap and have time for yourself. She calls her routine E.A.S.Y, which stands for Eat, Activity, Sleep, and You! The main point is to not let them sleep to much in the day and to not let them fall asleep while nursing if possible. She says that babies who learn to put themselves to sleep will be more successful at sleeping through the night because when they wake up in the night or partially awaken they can self soothe. This is not always possible with a newborn and the point of this routine is to be a goal, not something that you do exactly or that ties you down.
I am not much for schedules and routines, and I am usually very go with the flow. I am all about creativity and not tying my children down with to many restrictions. I was hesitant to try this but because so many wise and godly mothers recommended some sort of routine I tried it. I have found that it has worked and it seems like Noah is already on a much better path for sleeping than Kara was. However, I am also not about to be so strict with my routine that I miss out on the special moments I can have with my babies. They will only be newborns once and there is nothing like holding that precious little baby in your arms and watching them sleep. So like anything in life there must be balance, and we must not get so rigid we miss out on the special things in life.
I definitely don't think you need a routine to be a good parent, and I know many wonderful parents who never read or followed anything. Just thought what I had learned might be helpful and I do recommend that book as a helpful guide and a good way to get some extra sleep :)
Very insightful post.
ReplyDeleteI am one of the more scheduled type parent.
For me, I found that I could rest stress-free because each moment of the day I knew what would happen next. In our family it has really worked because the kids naturally fell into patterns and always knew when they needed to eat/sleep etc.
The goal in the book that I used was to have them do a 2-6-10-2-6-10 feeding and be off the 2 am ASAP. Bella was sleeping through the night by 1 mth. I felt for me this worked perfectly because then the time I spent with her was happy-awake mommy time. I was more relaxed and so was she.
Again, schedules are not live and die places. As a parent the most important thing is a Christlike love, and the giving of yourself. As mom's that is really where our focus should be. I am just sharing a different perspective and how it worked for me.