Having a newborn of course is a recipe for no sleep and going a little bit crazy some days, needless to say last night was no exception!
After a night of many wakings and grunting on Noah's part, i had finally fed him and had him back in bed around five. Just as i was about to enter my blissful and much needed state of rest, i heard a little voice on the monitor say "awa," which to Kara means water. Grumbling, i rolled out of bed and went in to give her some water and to tell her to go back to bed, then i preceded back to my own bed to sleep. From 5-6:30 it was back and forth between who was awake, Kara or Noah. Finally at 6:30 Kara decided it was morning and told me so loudly on the monitor until 7 when Tommy finally went and got her. I thought Noah was asleep and Kara was with Tommy so yet again i laid down to rest, but of course! Noah woke up yet again! I dragged him into bed with me feeling very frustrated and extremely tired and felt like breaking into tears! Now anyone who knows me knows that i often shed tears over small and meaningless things, but for once my crying would have been warranted. However, as i sat there looking at my little baby, i realized how blessed i truly was!
How many people around the world woke up to find that their children didn't wake up, either because they were taken or because they went to sleep and never woke up again? This is depressing to think about but it knocked me into the correct perspective when i realized that God has given me these precious gifts and for today they are still with me. I need to focus on this instead of getting to caught up in the moment. Isn't is hard to realize that our children are not our own and to let them go and let God have control in their lives? This for me has to be the hardest thing!
More than anything, we as sinful human beings desire to have control over our lives. Whether it be finances or relationships, we want to know what will happen next and for what happens to be positive and self gratifying. I know i feel this way about my kids! I want nothing more that to know that they will always be safe, always be well behaved, always be close to me, and most importantly that they will come to know Jesus as their Savior and therefore always be saved in the most full sense of the word. It must be my goal to let them go in every way, even giving the goal of their salvation up to the Lord, praying daily, but realizing that God is the one who saves and not me.
Kara and Noah will only be little for a short time, and this is what i thought as i held my now sleeping newborn. I can get frustrated if i want to and make my life more complicated, and of course i will still will do this in my weakness, but i can also choose to take each day as its own and cherish the precious little babies that they are, realizing one day they will be grown and the influence i have on them will diminish.
And so for now in my sleep deprived state, I will choose to be content with red eyes, and rumpled clothing and i will enjoy my kids while they are still small and still so eager to have me near, and i will daily work on letting go of my fears about their well being and trust the One who loves them more than i do! Praise God for His faithfulness and wonderful blessings to teach us and grow us when we choose to listen!
This was an excellent post, one which I can understand better now than I did a few weeks ago ;) Hang in there with the two little ones and know that God is with you in your parenting. He will bless your efforts and your diligence in caring for them. Rest in the Lord!! (Ps. 127).
ReplyDeleteLucas